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Post by peterjacob on Mar 9, 2015 11:46:53 GMT
I do think it works as a multiple. Sadly, I've never had the opportunity to feel and think as either a woman or a straight man, so I can only make general assumptions about what I see around me...
Part of it is biology, and another part has also to do with not fitting in a culturally defined mold that places certain expectations on your life choices. Gay men are not necessarily expected to get married and have children, so 'alternative' lifestyle options are just as much an option. Not being in a relationship with one person for a considerable amount of time would result in having a more free sexual morale.
Once you do commit to being in a relationship, you should be free to define the parameters of that relationship between you and your partner. Personally, I do not relate sex to love, per se. But I have agreed with my partner that we won't have other sexual partners, so monogamy is part of our definition of this relationship. I see multiple definitions of gay relationships around me. Funnily enough, however, most of them are quite 'traditional'.
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Post by murrakmr on Mar 11, 2015 1:19:52 GMT
As I tend to get bored of sex quickly unless I know the person I'm with pretty well, it tends to be an act of intimacy for me. Another level of connecting with that person. I can't really say why I lose interest otherwise, unless of course it's just an extension of my attitude to most exercise ha
As for relationships, I think all relationships gay or straight have their own rules and are defined by the people involved in that relationship. What one couple (or more) has agreed on may not be the same as even their closest friends' relationships. Where sexual ethics are concerned I think there are common beliefs of what is acceptable and they've become codified as 'sexual morality', but eventually on a personal level they become subjective too. I think that idiosyncratic nature of relationships is why people find that when giving/receiving advice about their sex life from friends/family etc. there's often a disconnect which results in the 'well that wouldn't work for me' feeling we often get.
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Post by peterjacob on Mar 11, 2015 15:59:53 GMT
Good point! I agree completely. However, sexual morality cannot only be a product of common beliefs. There must be an element of biology as well. Certain elements of our nature that contribute to the formation of these beliefs.
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Sex
Mar 12, 2015 0:50:13 GMT
Post by murrakmr on Mar 12, 2015 0:50:13 GMT
Like ensuring genetic diversity, which would account for the (usual) aversion to incest?
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Saul
New Member
Posts: 2
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Post by Saul on Mar 12, 2015 3:18:35 GMT
Sex. Wow. It's been quite awhile since someone has asked me what it means. And whenever it did pop up, I never knew the right answer. But being in the place I am now, I guess there's no better time than the present to figure it out, right? I strongly believe that sex is an act that 'should' happen with someone you've built a connection with over time. Whether that time is set over a months time, or a years time. It's important to know you've built the foundation of sex, with someone you either A.) Care about or B.) Love. When I first had sex, it was just for fun. I didn't know what I was doing. I believe I was around the age of 12-13 and all I did was give oral most of the time(Probably all the time, until about 17). It was what (And still now so)draws the excitement from me. I mostly had sexual relations with people out of wanting to fit in, wanting to belong and because I had thought it would lead to something more. i.e. love. Unfortunately, that is 'almost' never the case. I remember the last person I had sex with. He always had a problem with kissing, after sex. But then again, he was a guy that was supposedly 'straight'. (I giggled)
Being older, I now see it differently. I haven't had sex since then (17) and I now just speak to my friends about the people I plan on dating (Given, I can't do that all the time) I like my friends to approve of who I date, see or plan on being in a relationship with. It makes sure I build a foundation with those around me, with someone I truly care about rather than just jumping the gun.
This coming from a guy who falls too fast. (Sighs)
I guess what was said above kind of answered the insecurity question. (I tend to (most times) think sex, will lead to something more) i.e. Love.
And as for etiquette, I can't really speak much about it. I don't use dating apps anymore like I used to. And I've never been in a relationship... so, it's not really there for me to speak on.
Thanks again for these amazing threads, Max.
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Post by telquetues on Mar 12, 2015 4:57:14 GMT
Honestly, I like sex, who doesn't?
One cool thing in 21 century is that we can define the recipe we use for sex: either intercrural as the ancient greeks do, or the most experimental way one and the other(s) are happy about. For me, I find to cook the meal with a stranger is too greasy/unhygienic. During a certain high-pressured period of time, I went out to find hook-ups, but ended up feeling terrible afterwards every time, and the minute the guy left my apartment, I went to wash the sheet, and then drove the car aimlessly on the street -- super bad experience. But I repeated that for a while.
One funny thing is, last year, in a crowded summer concert, one college-looking kid standing next to me touched me for one minute or so, and that was the most "sexy" experience I have ever had, even though nothing ever happened, not even a kiss. Wearing a warm-colored tank top, he smiled wonderful.
So, the point I am trying to make is that: we need something that makes us feel "sexy", and it can be better than sex itself.
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Sex
Mar 12, 2015 5:00:27 GMT
Post by telquetues on Mar 12, 2015 5:00:27 GMT
Sorry, "smiled" should be "smelled". I barely looked at him in the face...
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Sex
Mar 14, 2015 5:57:59 GMT
Saul likes this
Post by Maxisms on Mar 14, 2015 5:57:59 GMT
These are all great points, guys. Sex and intimacy have become very segregated things. It's something I'm working to explore more in later work. Thanks for all the help with this conversation!
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Post by murrakmr on Mar 15, 2015 1:51:38 GMT
I think the ability to segregate sex and intimacy is something that men are more adept with than women so it's probably not that surprising that it would be more common in the gay community than the rest of society. Then again the gay community like any microcosm has the ability to exaggerate trends that might be seen as less significant in wider society.
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Post by Stan on Mar 15, 2015 17:53:17 GMT
I'm 33 and still a virgin back there. I'm trying to beat the 40 yr old virgin! Steve Carrell watch out! Haha!
Kidding aside, i really have a bad relationship with sex. My main hindrance is that I am afraid to get sick and my main outlet is porn! Yes porn can do the trick sometimes but more and more now i really want to experience the real thing. I hooked up recently but my old ways are still intact. I can't seem to do it any further and i am so frustrated about this. Also i noticed that i seem to be more turned on watching porn than doing the real thing..i suspect it is bec porn does not have any risk involved so my mind can concentrate. However i know that i am missing out on the joys of real sex. Max? Anyone? Help!
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Post by PaulyJfromtheUK on Mar 30, 2015 20:35:28 GMT
Hey guys, very interesting experiences and perceptions of sex. Personally I find it interesting so many of you guys are the opposite of the sexual stereotype portrayed within larger society and theres nothing wrong with that at all, you guys are pretty amazing for your honesty.
I'm a sexual being and I enjoy sex I don't feel the need to apologise for being a sexual being, nor should we have to. I mean I'm single, I haven't been in a relationship for over a year now and to be honest with myself, you guys and the universe, I'm content with just being me right now. Between some relationships and dates that have ended in me being stalked, harassed and just not appreciated for me as a person. I'm happy to just focus on myself. Does this mean I should become celibate, no longer have sex until I meet a guy who I want to be in a relationship with? I'd like to think at least for me, I can still have sex and look after myself, its 2015 and the world, at least amongst western society has advanced to a place where my body and I as a spirit are supposedly free. I'd hate to think how dull life would be if I had no sex drive and felt no need for sex, nor acted upon my needs and desire for sex, whether that be with the man I love, or a guy I like the look of...Sex to me is everything from an escape of lifes stresses; pressures and the darkness in the world, to the love and raw emotions you can't even begin to describe because its so strong what you feel, all you know is it exists. I don't believe anyone should feel bad for either wanting to wait and have something special and hopefully amazing or not wanting to wait, it shouldn't be a conversation, as humans we shouldn't feel like we have to answer to any higher ideal of "sex" and when to have sex and who with. We should all be happy just enjoying ourselves, staying true to who we are and equally trying to understand who we are, trying to keep an open mind and open heart to those that touch us.
Max, I'm enjoying what you've set up here, bringing people together in such a way is something really special! I'm looking out for episode 4 on YouTube, although kinda disappointed you haven't got tumblr, equally I was distracted here for most of the evening not doing work so its cool.
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Sex
Apr 5, 2015 20:41:15 GMT
via mobile
Maxisms likes this
Post by iamarthur on Apr 5, 2015 20:41:15 GMT
I'm only 17 and a virgin but I believe sex should be with the person you love. I think sex brings two people that love each other even closer than they were before. It makes your bond even stronger. It's very intimate. I think before you have sex with the one you love you should make sure you and your partner are emotionally connected. Because if you are emotionally connected then the intimacy can happen. When intimacy happens when your having sex then it'll feel beautiful.
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Sex
Apr 6, 2015 18:26:50 GMT
Post by Curious on Apr 6, 2015 18:26:50 GMT
Hey Max,
My boyfriend whom I've know for close to a year is proposing we have anal sex... He wishes to bottom me and I am keen on trying it... However, I am nervous because I have never done this before and this would be a very new feeling and experience for me..
Could I get your advice on how I should prepare for it? Have you been penetrated before? How does it feel like? Does it hurt? Are there any precautions I should take?
Hope you could help me out with some wise advice there...
Thanks so much!
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Sex
Apr 9, 2015 17:39:14 GMT
kariki likes this
Post by Maxisms on Apr 9, 2015 17:39:14 GMT
Stan- stop watching porn to re-sensitize yourself maybe? Curious- There's a lot of stuff you can do as far as relaxing and making sure your "clean" and ready. I think that might be a google question… just make sure your boyfriend is patient enough to let you get used to him and uses plenty of lube
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Sex
Apr 10, 2015 12:48:48 GMT
Post by kariki on Apr 10, 2015 12:48:48 GMT
I think sex goes well whit love. I mean it is so intimate. So there has to be love that i could enjoy sex. It could be fun also. People tend to take sex too serious. It supposed to be fun! Two adults playing what could be more fun? Ok i have try one night stands, but that was not my cup of tea. Actually quit many times...but My friend told me that she found love via dating app. So it is possible but really really rare. So can i comment your story? Sexual harassment seems to be big issue in entertainment business. It is good that you share your experience. It helps you and others too. Today we are more lonely than ever before. I mean we should hang out more whit friends and family and forget our mobiles once in a while. You are good looking guy so i´m sure you get a lot of sex.
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